plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
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is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
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I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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