the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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