I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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