my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
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my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
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Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We have started to decorate penises.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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