is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
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Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
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She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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