Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
one two three fourrrrnication!
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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