I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
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he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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