ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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