I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize