I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize