he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize