Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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