It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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