The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
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some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
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Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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