your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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