I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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