i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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