you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize