No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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