then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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