i just wanna soil my oats bro
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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