sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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