Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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