guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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