its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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