Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
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Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
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I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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