You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
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If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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