Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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