Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
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The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
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He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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