I wanna bring you to show and tell
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize