You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize