Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize