carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize