im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
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