I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
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Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
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We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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