cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
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It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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