I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
