That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
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The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
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I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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