I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize