She is in my trunk
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
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Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
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I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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