I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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