I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
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Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
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I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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