1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize