if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
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it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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