White coat. Heels.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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