i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
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Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
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He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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