Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize