she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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