Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
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he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Boobs speak an international language.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
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To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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