I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize